Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
