I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry about my life...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
