you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
