My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
