i think my tv is drunk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
