At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
