i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
