those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
