Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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