that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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