There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
