so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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