no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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