Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
