and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
