Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
