On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Couch. On fire.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
