I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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