i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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