now i know why i became what i already was.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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