i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
