If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
