Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
