what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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