My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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