even my farts smell like vagina
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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