Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
