brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
