The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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