Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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