how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
