um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
