So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
