Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
