I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
