So drunk its hurt
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
