Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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