I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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