Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
