shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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