mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
