I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
