So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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