i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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