Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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