why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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