If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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