North Korea, Best Korea!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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