I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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