After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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