you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize