I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
