My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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