got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
