If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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