Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
