I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
