I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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