I need help removing her.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
