Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
