Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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