Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
