At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
did you just send me my own nude
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
