At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
