whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
