there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
