Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
