I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
