If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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